April 23, 2008

Remember Common Courtesies



  1. Whenever someone treats you kindly, show your appreciation, express your gratitude, and offer your thanks. For as Seneca taught, "There is as much greatness of mind in acknowledging a good turn, as in doing it."
  2. Scatter the dark clouds of gloom and spread sunshine with your smile. Remember, a smile is a curved line that can straighten many problems.
  3. Be as thoughtful as the 82-year-old woman who was more concerned about others than the pain she was in. "I may be in pain," she said, "but I don’t have to be one."
  4. Recognize the achievements of others, not with shallow flattery, but with sincere and warm praise.
  5. Respect the opinions and decisions of others, even if you disagree with them.
  6. Here is some good advice in the form of a Persian proverb: "Treat your superior as a father, your equal as a brother, and your inferior as a son."
  7. Be a good friend. Express your good manners with your emotions. When your friends arrive, say, "At last!" And when they leave, say, "So soon?" When you treat your friends kindly, you will be greatly rewarded. St. Basil (329-379) explains how, "He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."
  8. Treat others with respect. Treating royalty, political leaders, or movie stars with respect is a common occurrence, but treating beggars, the homeless, and ex-cons with respect is the mark of greatness. It is not only the downtrodden that need respect, it is our children, too. If we don’t already respect them for what they are, how can we help them become more than they are?
  9. Act kindly toward others without expecting anything in return. To act in the expectation of a reward cancels out the kindness.
  10. Instruct your children. For as R. Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983) wrote, "Parents are usually more careful to bestow knowledge on their children rather than virtue, the art of speaking well rather than doing well; but their manners should be of the greatest concern."
  11. Respond to rudeness with kindness. For what better test of good manners is there than politely putting up with bad ones? We become kind by being kind. And when every act we do is a kind one, the world will rejoice.
  12. Be gentle in your dealings with others. As someone else wrote, "To find out what others are feeling, don’t prod or poke. If you want play with a turtle, you can’t get it to come out of its shell by prodding and poking it with a stick, you might kill it. Be gentle not harsh, hard or forceful."
  13. Cherish your family and reinforce it with courtesy. Oddly enough, we often treat strangers more politely than we do members of our own family. This has to stop, and we need to implement a policy of "courtesy begins at home."
  14. Never underestimate the power of your small acts of kindness. They are the pebbles which form a solid foundation for our civilization. Without them, society will collapse.

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